Dear Chad, Happy Birthday
by rachella004
Summary: Sonny writes a letter entitled to Chad on his birthday after hes gone. Quick oneshot.


Dear Chad,

Today was your birthday. I know that because it's circled on my calendar with a thick red sharpie. We were suppose to celebrate today, just the two of us, but I guess that's not going to happen anymore.

I behaved badly today. In fact, you might have been a little proud. I slept in late, pressing snooze multiple times before dragging myself out of bed.

I was wearing your old flannel pajamas. The ones you let me borrow the night back in August when I was to tired to drive home from you house so you let me have your bed and PJ's while you slept on the couch. I always meant to give them back, but now I'm glad I didn't. Its probably all in my head, but I swear I can still smell you on them.

Then I called in sick to work. I am a horrible liar, which is strange considering in an actress, but they let me stay home anyway. I think they expected it.

I called you old cell phone number four or five times. Obviously it has been disconnected by now but it felt good to move my thumb across the familiar pattern of numbers.

Oh, and the strangest thing happened today. Tawni came by after work to see if I was alright. Tawni. Of all the people.

'_Are you okay Sonny?'_ She had asked, almost sadly.

I nodded back at her in response hoping shed leave but she must not have gotten the hint. Immediately she went right back into Tawni mode though and began to fill me in on her day at the studio but I didn't want to hear about it. This is your day Chad. I wanted to spend it with you weather you were here or not.

'_Don't you even miss him Tawni?'_

She stopped talking for a moment.

'_Its like you don't even care he's gone.'_

_I guess I never really knew him that well…' _She trailed off

When I finally got her to leave I took an shower. It was already six at night by that point but I didn't care. I turned the hot water on as high as it would go, and the cold just half way. It was cool enough to stand under, but hot enough to make my skin a bright red color at the same time.

When I was done, I dressed in what you always said was your favorite outfit of mine. It was a black flour print dress with a baby blue ribbon around the waist and collar. Personally, I hated the ugly thing, but it always made you smile you see me wear it.

I didn't do my hair or makeup. I didn't want to. Instead I just left the hose in my All-Stars, my hair still dripping with water. I drove myself to your old apartment. I know it sounds weird but I imagined you running down the steps, late as usual, and hoping into the passengers seat next to me. In my head I made you smile at me and then comment on my outfit before buckling your seatbelt.

This is where you'll probably start to feal less proud of me.

I drove from your place to a house party. It was the kind that you would always insist we go to but I would never agree to because on the smell of smoke and beer.

'_I don't want the smell on the clothes.'_ I'd whine. _"if my mom caught me here she pull me back to Wisconsin so fast I couldn't even blink first.'_

You'd nod your head and agree with a smile._ 'Well I suppose we cant let that happen now can we.'_

It didn't bother you much. You only wanted to go to show me off you your friends. You wouldn't smoke because I didn't like to kiss ash trays and you wouldn't drink more than one can if Id agree, so you'd suggest a movie or maybe some food instead.

I parked at the party though and got out of my car. My hair was starting to dry by now and I could smell the shampoo.

I grabbed a can of beer and chugged it down as fast as I could. It was warm and tasted gross, but I wanted the numb feeling I knew I would get afterwards.

This random guy started to hit on me as a sat on the couch. He got really close and slung his arm around me, He smelled like beer but then again, so did I at this point.

'_Hey baby.'_ He yelled into my ear over the banging music. _'You are way to cute to be sitting alone.'_

'_Hi.' _was all I said back as I shrugged away.

I made myself laugh right then and there when I pictured what you would have don't if you were their. You would have come at him from behind and punched him so hard he'd be seeing stars. If he said anything after that, you'd just pay someone to take care of his for you. I always told you I hated when you did that be really I thought it was the funniest thing ever to see those creeps run away.

'_Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?' _He asked me

I replied in my best Tawni voice '_Yes, only all the time!'_

'_Bitch.' He grumbled and walked away._

_I smiled to myself satisfied._

_I saw your friend Skyler there too. He gave me a silent nod, a beer can of his own in hand. I never liked him much, but I knew he was probably feeling the same way I was, horrible, so I nodded back and after two or so more beers I got up and left. My head was spinning, and I felt sick, but I had achieved my goal. _

_As I drove home I swerved all over the road and probably ran a good stop sign or two but I made it home in one piece. I shut off the engine after putting the car in park. Then I sat in the parking lot in the dark of my car and cried over you for a good hour._

_After drying my eyes to the point where I could at least see out of them again, I crawled out of my car and up to my apartment. Now I'm sitting here alone in my room as the first and second hand approach midnight writing you this pointless letter. I don't know why so don't ask. I just needed to talk to you again._

_I miss you and I think about you ever day.I'll never forget you Chad Dylan Cooper. _

_Love Allison 'Sonny' Monroe._

__Sonny sighed tiredly and dropped her letter into the paper shredder before crawling into bed and shutting off the lights._


End file.
